Not a Fun Friday

This post is not me feeling sorry for myself – please know that. I’m not looking for sympathy, or pick-me-ups. I’m not, so don’t feel obligated to be kind. I’m just trying to be real and share the challenges that come with the amazing and unknown in this new life that I’m experiencing.

Today was hard. I finally just shut my laptop and walked away from it (literally and figuratively). I’m trying hard at work – I don’t tend to do things half-ass – and today felt like nothing was right. It ran the gamut from little to big, and me just finally knowing my tank was empty.

My lesson: I need to toughen up. I need to learn a new language and it isn’t Hindi. I need to learn to speak direct and to speak fact. I need to find a way to take the emotion out of what I do. (Part of me thinks this is exactly what I shouldn’t do, but I have to find a balance of being me, yet adapting to a new style of work.) I’m SUPER sensitive. I know this. I’ve blogged about my Highly Sensitive’ness and even talked about it to an auditorium full of people – this isn’t an epiphany for me. But being sensitive in a culture of directness and where blame/shame seem to be a go-to response from some, is hard for me. Really hard.

Coping Mechanism? Candles, a single glass of wine, music, & Moksha. I turned most of the lights off, had a small glass of wine left in a bottle from a few weeks ago (ick, I know, but it was $58USD for an ass-tasting bottle of wine that I can’t bring myself to dump), lit candles, and discovered Mumford & Sons new album finally came out this week.  I’m sitting with Moksha and listening. I’m being still. I’m trying to quiet my brain from stewing and fixing.

At work they have these Correction of Error (CoE) remediation plans when your scorecard is red. I think I need my own CoE to be very articulate in what will change moving forward. In full transparency, thick skin won’t be on the card, but it’s certainly on my mind. I know there are lessons surrounding me; I’m just not ready for them tonight.  I’m letting the sun set on this day and trusting I’ll get up tomorrow and new ways of doing better will reveal themselves.

I’m uncomfortable and I’m learning…exactly what I asked for. Huh.

**and for those who read these posts looking for a laugh, your reward for getting this far is a fun story below pic. 😊

Letting the sun set on this day. Beautiful in its own way…

I left the office last night and forgot the power cord to my laptop. I had 3 hours of meetings last night and was going to work from home today (Friday), but then I realized I didn’t have my power cord and was all frustrated trying to figure out what to do. I can’t just drive to work and I had told my driver I didn’t need a ride Friday. I considered Uber but that felt lazy, since the office is 2.4 kilometers, which is 1.5 miles one way.

My mind decide it would be a great morning walk. Only two streets to cross, which I knew I could do (although one was the famous Wipro Circle which is a complete cluster of lanes going all directions at once – I ran across the first time, but on the way back just dodged between scooters and tuk-tuks like a pro). I thought the walk would be enjoyable, but it completely sucked. The exhaust pollution is sooo bad that I finally covered my face towards the end with my sweatshirt because I couldn’t fathom what it was doing to my lungs. Next time I’m wearing a bandana and working on my bank robber look. I was almost home and took a quick stop at the coffee shop I’ve been frequenting to treat myself to a “I survived the walk-to-work latte.”